#2 Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall
New York + Jumanji + reassessing boundaries
How to Build a Life is a newsletter for people bang in the thick of life’s mess and mayhem, who are still trying to find the magic. It’s written by me, Laura Jane Williams, author of 12 (!) books. I’m almost 40, a solo parent by choice, decorate my house like a tart’s boudoir, and lift very heavy weights. Those four things are my entire personality.
My latest rom-com is Enemies to Lovers, and I am the author of teen series Taylor Blake is a Legend too.
Looking Backwards, Looking Forwards is my free monthly round-up doing exactly that: reviewing the month gone and then thinking ahead. I find it helps remind me how awesome I am. I recommend it! Plus it’s nice sharing these bits and bobs with you…
Looking backwards
Well. I put my money where my mouth is. When I wrote at the end of August, I said: (that’s) my top thing for the last quarter of the year: scheduling in daily, weekly and monthly “me time”. If it isn’t in the diary it won’t happen, another thing comes up, there’s a piece of last minute press or a cupboard to tidy or a bum to wipe…
So I’ve gone ahead and booked in a couple of decadent spa days in October and December, on days where I don’t have to be home until 5pm. They’re going to be the “big” switch-off days. But. Those “big things” seem easier to sort out than the smaller daily moments of calm. Why is that?
If you read these missives in the Substack app you can leave comments, and r.e. finding “me time” reader Ciara said:
I've started to plan baths. It sounds a bit odd but like you say, if it's not in the diary it won't happen. So I like to try and plan ahead what evening it will be manageable and then look forward to it! It's easier to enjoy it and luxuriate in it if I know I've scheduled the time.
I think she’s on to something.
In September it was mostly about getting through the back-to-school bumpies and a big book deadline in time for New York, so I did n.o.t.h.i.n.g for myself on a weekly basis (the exciting monthly thing being the trip, of course).
But, because there seems to be nothing on the streamers lately (a hangover from the strike??) I have been storming through books on the daily, in a deliberate and scheduled way. I read as my kid falls asleep anyway, but this month I’ve also trundled off to bed at 8pm to read some more, phone downstairs, house peaceful, contented exhale happening. I might start introducing a hot water bottle now the temperature is dropping…
(Thinking about it, I’m surprised nobody mentioned sleep as a super-power when I asked my over-40 pals for their health and wellbeing tips. Because damn those earlier nights help me in the gym!)
All of this to say, in terms of my pledge to look after myself, for myself, just that little bit more? Progress. I am 1% less exhausted. Thank you for bearing witness.
I wrote this month about having been photographed for The Daily Mail, to be a lead feature in their Femail section, but found out last week the piece has been killed. I both care, and don’t.
I don’t care because: they reached out to me via my publisher. It would have looked bad to my publisher to turn down “easy” press - the DM wanted a version of a Substack post that was already written and were offering a book shout-out at the end. So I said yes.
But I do care because: a tremendous amount of media folks act like their arse is on fire and you have to do things now! Now! Now! I re-worked the piece over a weekend, spent two different days doing edits, a day doing double work to clear the next day for the photoshoot, and had untold mental angst waiting for publication of a sensitive topic (and bad pictures).
I told the editor it was all dragging on too long and I wanted the whole thing off my desk two weeks before we got confirmation is wasn’t running. Was that the reason why it was pulled? Who cares. They’re only doing their jobs, but it turns out my job is not to ask how high would you like me to jump? when working on book press. Authors shouldn’t have to write about their personal lives in order to get a tiny mention at the end of an article about a book that has no relation to the article anyway (even if that piece was published on their own website first). Jojo Moyes just wrote a great piece on that, actually.
My offering to you from this mini reminder of my own is: you don’t always have to say yes to things sold as shiny and important, and you don’t have to be grateful. If something doesn’t fit your vibe, that’s all the reason you need to say no. Easy to say, hard to do. I’m told they design it that way.
The best weekend I had in September was the weekend I watched the new Jumanji movies with my kid. The bit of parenting I find true joy in is the cultural education part, the bit where they start learning We Will Rock You at band practice so you watch (the PG parts of) Bohemian Rhapsody together at home, or they do French at school so you teach them what you know and start having pain au chocolat at the weekends.
I don’t even know how Jumanji came up, but we watched the trailer for Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle and then when we went on a bike ride and the trees were low-hanging and got in our faces we started shouting JUMANJI! to warn one another.
Anyway. The Rock! Kevin Hart! Jack Black! It is genuinely funny, and tickled both of us for different reasons. We did that on the Friday and then on the Saturday ordered pizza and watch Jumanji: The Next Level, and honestly, I need there to be a third movie. In lieu of that we watched The Rock in Jungle Cruise, with Emily Blunt, and my kid kept calling his character Dr Bravestone even though it was a different movie. So what! It was still 10/10 fun.
Finally, some of my favourite things I wrote here and enjoyed a lot this month include How I Budget (it ain’t always a success, and I often spend more than I should), I First Met My Son in a Park (part of the story of adopting my son), and some advice from Auntie Rose that really has been helping me.
Looking forwards
It’s October tomorrow?? Are we sure?? Somebody needs to check the calendar. We’ve got four more weeks of school here, and then we break up for a week’s half term. I’ve got to say, ever since reading Wintering by Katherine May and being introduced to the concept of the druids celebrating something eight times a year (so that’s roughly every six weeks), I’ve given up trying to fight the school holidays and now I’m rolling with them. His pause is my pause.
I’m waiting to hear back about a new project I’ve been working on, and at some point in the next week will talk to my rom-com editor about what I’m thinking for the 2026 novel. I don’t think there’s going to be another Taylor Blake book, which is sad, so I’m going to catch up with my admin and try to make October a sort of creative reset. I go hell for leather on so much with my work that it would be nice if this month I could rest in a way that will serve me later on. Kind of like how Sara Duigou posted about recently:
You gotta rest as much as you do the doing! Because if you don’t, eventually you will burn out. If you figure out how to manage this, do let me know.
Sending you love, from my inbox to yours. Thank you for being here. I really do appreciate it.
Laura x
I too have discovered the joys of electrolytes this year. I bought some to see me through late pregnancy and labour, but have been having some every day for the past six months now. I don’t think I’d have fared through this postpartum + 4yo hurricane stage quite so well if I wasn’t having them. Sure it’s still been a shitstorm in parts, but the energy levels and recovery from sleepless nights is definitely far better than with my first. I’d like them to be cheaper, but I don’t see that I’ll ever stop having them. I heart electrolytes!
Ok this was brilliant. Also: am low key NOT rolling my eyes at manifesting anymore because think it might actually work when I stop being a smug dick about it???? Would love a post on your process please and thank you xxx