Nice Things I Tell My Kid
...that would be nice to hear myself tbh
I’m so happy to see you! How to Build a Life is a newsletter by me, bestselling author of 12 (!!) books Laura Jane Williams, going out to thousands of readers bang in the thick of life’s mess and mayhem… who are still trying to find the magic. I’m almost 40, a solo parent by choice, decorate my house like a tart’s boudoir and lift very heavy weights. Those four things are my entire personality 🥰 I really love writing to you here. Hi.
(pssst! My 2022 festive rom-com JUST FOR DECEMBER is a perfect holiday season read. It’s got a prickly bestselling author getting her book adapted into a movie, a hot, emotionally intelligent actor as love interest, a fake dating pact, and castles and snowstorms and hot chocolate. When I was getting that link I also saw that my debut novel OUR STOP is also only £1.99! One day I’ll tell you the order of my favourite books I’ve written. Spoiler: OUR STOP will be at the top.)
I was once out to lunch with Sarah and Lucy, and somehow it came up that every night at bedtime I lie with my kid and I say, I love you so much. I love you exactly as you are. To me, you are perfect, but even if you weren’t perfect I’d still love you this much. Nothing will ever change my love for you. It will always be there for you, no matter what.
They both gave an awww! and Lucy said she could do with somebody saying that to her every night, too. I’d never thought of it like that before. I just try to say stuff to my kid to boost his self-esteem, his confidence within himself, and at every turn attempt to promote trust between us. There’s that saying, isn’t there, about when your kid is older and screws up, how you want them to think, ‘I’d better call mum,’ instead of, ‘Oh crap, mum is gonna kill me.’ Plus, you know, it’s like Taron Egerton once said:
“There's something about 'single parent/only child,' I think, that really forges a special kind of bond."
It’s just me and him, and so we’ve gotta know we can trust one another - and that the trust won’t ever go away. So it’s important for me to make it part of our routine, that I remind him daily.
I wouldn’t say I’m a “gentle” parent, but I would say I’m mindful. Especially with my kid having been taken into care system, and everything that came before his adoption order: who knows what his body remembers from before he was with me, what his nervous system has endured. As such, I try to errr on the side of patient, and actively promote kind words as king in our house. Things like: