How to Find Joy (and appreciation)
"Wherever there is perfection, there is drama" - Celebrate Yourself founder Sarah Powell on how to find happiness in the building of a life
I’m so happy to see you! How to Build a Life is a newsletter by me, bestselling author of 12 (!!) books Laura Jane Williams, going out to thousands of readers bang in the thick of life’s mess and mayhem… who are still trying to find the magic. I’m almost 40, a solo parent by choice, decorate my house like a tart’s boudoir, and lift very heavy weights. Those four things are my entire personality. Oh! And so is my new writing course for 2025! Get involved! Anyway. I really love writing to you here. Hi.
(pstttttt! My 2022 festive rom-com is currently only 99p on Kindle! Think Bavaria at Christmas, markets and hot chocolates and twinkly lights and a big old movie set - because romance writer Evie Bird and lead actor in the movie adaptation of her book Duke Carlisle immediately hate each other, sure, but a PR nightmare sees them embroiled in a fake dating pact that is… Just For December. And guess what? It turns out they quite like each other after all…)
I’m so excited to share a conversation with you today with one Sarah Powell. I’ve known Sarah for years - we met on the very first writing course I ever hosted in person, in a big fancy house that belonged to the founder of H&M in Notting Hill. It was a group of the most gorgeous ten women, most of whom I’m still in contact with today because they all had such energy. Sarah is hilarious, generously-spirited, and runs a business called CELEBRATE YOURSELF, a home for self-celebration. You’re going to love her! This conversation was fun and insightful for me, quite like she is.
Oh! And I’m over on her newsletter today talking about having less to have more. If you’d like to check that out, you can do so here.
Laura Jane Williams: My darling! Hi, hi, hi! Thanks for talking to me about how to celebrate ourselves. There’s nobody better at keeping perspective than you.
Sarah Powell: That’s so kind! Thank you for having me, I’m thrilled to be here. How ARE you?
LJW: Babes, I’m struggling. That’s the fact of the matter.
SP: Okay. Sure.
LJW: That’s why I thought of you to chat with, because you’re in the thick of it too, you’re building a life, and my whole thing right now is like… HOW. How do we build a life? Because sometimes I feel like oh… is this… it? I thought there would be more. Not to be ungrateful…
SP: I feel like I’m always waiting to arrive. To wake up one day and my life has been built.
LJW: You do?!
SP: Worrying about gratitude is such a rub. I think that’s one of the hardest parts for me, wanting more but not feeling grateful enough. I actually struggle a lot with “gratitude” as a concept. I prefer “appreciation” - it feels less pressurized, less religious.
LJW: Oh well, I’ll be stealing that from you with immediate effect. Appreciation feels good as a word to me. Thank you.
SP: Have it! Take it!
LJW: So what’s to be done? You’ve just had your third baby in four years, you keep a marriage alive, you keep a dog alive… and your attitude is contagiously optimistic…
SP: The dog is the hardest part, she's such a pain but she's our pain.
LJW: Ha. Well, it seems a bit magic to me that you can hold two truths at once: that actually life isn’t a finite thing we have (a noun, as it were) but rather is a verb (a doing word) AND here’s a million things that are great about that process.
SP: I remember you writing about two things being true and it was such a moment for me. I was obsessed with finding the one thing that would fix everything, that would allow the key to turn and then magically I’d have my best life. But it doesn't exist. And that is SUCH a relief. I think it's really easy to focus on WHAT the life we want is and you're right about focusing on the HOW. Because surely that's where it actually gets lived? That's where it exists.
LJW: And I suppose appreciation, like you said before, means deliberately seeking out and then focussing on the things that feed us. My dad has always said: what you focus on expands.
SP: Very good, dad. When I was starting Celebrate Yourself that's what I wanted. I wanted the HOW because I was fed up with waiting for life to arrive.
LJW: Say more about that, please.