You don't waste October sunshine

Gladiator II + work disappointment + new hair

I’m so happy to see you! How to Build a Life is a newsletter by me, bestselling author of 12 (!!) books Laura Jane Williams, going out to thousands of readers bang in the thick of life’s mess and mayhem… who are still trying to find the magic. I’m almost 40, a solo parent by choice, decorate my house like a tart’s boudoir, and lift very heavy weights. Those four things are my entire personality. Oh! And so is my new writing course for 2025! Get involved! Anyway. I really love writing to you here. Hi.

Looking Backwards, Looking Forwards is my monthly round-up doing exactly that: reviewing the month gone and then thinking ahead. I find it helps remind me how awesome I am. I recommend it! Plus it’s nice sharing these bits and bobs with you :) So without further ado, this was my October (and what I’m looking forward to in November…)

Looking Backwards

Well, I won’t sugarcoat it: I had some whoppingly disappointing work news this month, which has floored me. I’ve been working on a project for over a year and it hasn’t sold, and whilst that is par for the course and I’m a big girl! I can take rejection! it’s also on the back on smaller projects not moving forward and the cumulative effect is one of exhaustion. It’s tricky to walk the line of how much detail to go into, professionally speaking, so it’s something I’ll sit on to fully unpack and share later, but my top line is: I feel like every success I’ve had this past ten years has been so painfully fought for that I’m wondering if I am fighting against what the universe actually means me for. Does that make sense? I know it’s a grand statement. I feel so certain that it should all be easier than this - could it be because I’m on the wrong path? Vis-a-vis work, I kinda feel like I’m spending a lot of energy trying to get my boyfriend to marry me, and what I need to do is dump his ass.

Being unsure about stuff is why I started this newsletter, to find others who are also in the thick of it, trying to keep the lights on and the kids happy and their chin hair at bay, all whilst fulfilling their purpose.* My mission statement is to keep finding the magic, no matter the quagmire, but perhaps what I am gingerly trying to own in my small corner of the Internet is that it is especially hard to find the magic, for me, at this particular time. If you’re here too, in this place as well, I see you. And if you’re in the flow of life and find ease and grace parts of your natural day-to-day, please do share with the group so you can tell us how to emulate your state of being. I am also receiving any and all advice on how to spend the next twenty years of my working life. Thanks!!

*r.e. purpose. Have you seen SOUL? There is no purpose!! And yet, and yet, and yet.

october 2024: made a study of winterising, had cafe date with Sally Rooney, did spa day in the sun, considered c*****mas trees, back door curtains got hung, the most superior form of twix was had, and got a new personal best for the “block run” test at the gym

In writing news, I know I mentioned my book idea for 2026 got editorial sign-off (yay!), and I’ve been developing character profiles and plot points with a view to maybe noodling around on that first draft soon. It’s my most “me” concept ever, where I’m not trying to write for the market but instead just what I think is cool - a very nice feeling to take into that early, spirited version of the story where anything is possible and it’s all to play for. And! I’ve seen the cover for my 2025 book. It’s great. When I can show it to you I will explain why I think it’s great, but for now I’ll say: it’s LJW, but she’s going grown-up. I got a new editor six months ago (hi, Susannah!), and so she’s come to Love At First Sight at the very end of the writing process, but just in time to ace the “package”. She’s fresh blood to learn from!! That’s the kind of thing that excites me.

got my hair did, chopped a lot off, trying to remember this, massive full moon, an outfit i felt nice in, post teeth-clean at the dentist, a furry visitor, felt cute, might delete later x

My self-care has taken a bit of a nosedive in October, despite my best efforts: I’ve comfort eaten all the candy I got in for Halloween and my sleep has been spotty (anxiety!!) (sugar!!). I did manage to get all the “points” I strive for at the gym, via my heart-rate monitor, which means I’ve been a gym regular in spite of my bad mood, and oh! Actually! This was good! Every three months at the gym we test where we’re at on our lifts and cardio - not because you always have to be getting better, but because fitness fluctuates and it’s good to reset your benchmarks in whatever way they’ve altered. Anyway, I’m almost 30 pounds down in weight now (!), so when I had to run around the block and time myself… I was 45 seconds faster than the last time I tested. It makes sense! If you gave me two 15 kilo dumb-bells to run with I’d certainly be slowed down, so without that I’m quicker. It was an unexpected win and one that wouldn’t have occurred to me without my training. Unfortunately, I can’t deadlift as heavy now because mass moves mass and with less mass, I move less. I’ll take that, though. My clothes are fitting better and I’ve been able to haul some stuff out of storage that I’ve missed. I was especially delighted to rediscover an old ASOS corduroy jumpsuit in navy blue. I’ve taken to wearing it with red socks. In fact, I’m wearing everything with red socks. It makes me feel jolly, and vaguely “hip”.

proper autumn now: beans on a jacket potato, crunchy leaves, long walks, jigsaws, skeletons, pumpkins, my kid keeping me company as i work, CRUMBLE

We’re on half term break in this house, marking the halfway point between summer and the end of the year. A nice wee break! We’re not doing clubs. The plan is that I’m working whilst my kid plays, which sounds like it shouldn’t work but e.g. right now he’s in the kitchen doing yet another Spider-Man jigsaw and listening to the Luca soundtrack. Like sorry, am I being filmed for Wholesome Families dot com??? It is in marked contrast to yesterday morning when he breathed on me with his foul pre-teeth-brushing breath and I hadn’t had a cup of tea yet and all I needed to do was check something on my phone and he wanted A Conversation. This kid, he’s a talker! I mean, obviously, look who is being raised by 👋🏼👋🏼👋🏼. But also, dude, get out of my face! (When I said this, he said, but I’m over here?? I’m not in your face??) Also in parenting news last week it was way past bedtime and I was having a wee and he was pretending to be the King from WISH (average film, banging tunes), and when he asked me my wish I said IT IS QUARTER TO EIGHT AND YOU ARE STILL IN YOUR SCHOOL CLOTHES, MY WISH IS FOR MY KID TO PUT HIS PAJAMAS ON!! And he looked at me, considered the request, and replied, deadpan: ‘I’ll put that down as a maybe’.

In case you missed it, this month I wrote about: some helpful thoughts // kids and smartphones // getting ready for winter // Taylor Blake // inspiration // falling in love // crying a lot

Looking Forwards

Happy Gladiator II season to all who will be celebrating! I have watched that trailer eighty. million. times. I cannot wait. They reckon Denzel is a shoo-in for an Oscar nom, and it will be interesting to see if Paul Mescal gets one. This is a niche observation for any Evelyn Hugo fans, but you know how she isn’t allowed to do Little Women in that book before she has a bunch more smaller roles, so that by the time she’s in a massive blockbuster everyone is rooting for her? I feel like Paul Mescal’s agents had the same game plan, and with this movie we’re all allowed to feel ownership over his success because we’ve known for years how talented he is. Should we set up a support group for both after we’ve seen the movie, and for Oscar night? Quite like my son, I’m sure I will have a lot to say.

I can’t believe I’m saying this considering I astrixed-out the word C*****mas in the photo caption above, but I do actually have a festive party in November. That feels mad, to see that in the diary within the next few weeks. I think I might re-wear what I wore to the wedding I went to last month: leopard print trousers with a non-matching-but-somehow-still-works pink checked blouse, but to be honest, it’s impossible to consider when the clocks only changed this weekend. I did just find out how bad sequins are, though, in terms of on the environment, so I definitely won’t be purchasing anything new. Maybe I’ll grab a sparkly second-hand beauty on Vinted. I’m yet to pop my Vinted cherry. Can you believe that!!

Before school gets back in session, I’ll be batch-cooking and portioning evening meals according to the menu my child has chosen for the rest of term. It’s worked GREAT this past six weeks: everything we need is in the freezer, I get out tomorrow’s meal the night before, and we don’t have to play the “no, I don’t want THAT!” game at teatime because the boss (him) has already signed off what we have on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… you get the idea. We do it as Week A and Week B so there’s a bit more variety, and beige food is not omitted: we eat chicken nuggets and fish fingers with the best of ‘em. We don’t eat the same stuff, so this keeps things streamlined and straightforward and everyone knows the plan. I am going to add in at least one new dish this time, in an attempt to improve his palette, but if it doesn’t work I don’t care. Food is not a moral issue!! As long as his tummy is full and he’s eaten protein and fibre, I don’t care. It makes life easier that way. Oh, and dessert is already pre-decided as well. The biggest hit? Fruit skewers drizzled in melted chocolate, or ice cream but served in a mug. KIDS LOVE ICE CREAM SERVED IN A MUG.

Finally, on the work front for November, as well as circling the desk for UNTITLED 2026 I will be here, writing about IKEA, how other people build a life, giving a peek into my home office, musing on asking for help and more. I will also continue enrolling folks on my 2025 creative writing course, The Joy of Writing. Launching that was a direct response to my crappier work news, on account of the fact I know I’m a great teacher, and I know I provide good value and boatloads of fun. I just wanted to feel useful, and in my zone of genius. Teaching is like coming home!! You don’t need to be “a writer” to get involved, it’s aimed at anyone who just wants a creative thing to do for themselves over the cold weeks of January into February. No biggie! Let’s write some stories together, baby. Check out all the information here, and if you have questions you can simply hit “reply” to this email and I’ll get back to you within 48 hours.

Okay, that’s everything from me. Is it weird if I say I love you? I love you. I do. Thank you for being here. I say it every time, but it’s super important to me you know I don’t take you for granted.

See you next Monday,

Laura x