#8 Blossom by blossom, the spring begins

author secrets + the easter bunny has gone bankrupt

👋🏼👋🏼👋🏼 Hi! If you’re new to these parts, the short version is this: I’ve worked for myself for a long time, writing 15 (!) books, largely done from home. It sent me a bit doolally, being alone that much and also working within an industry that hasn’t always treated me kindly. That’s why I started writing How to Build a Life, now delivered to thousands of readers in over 80 countries. I’d been desperate to unpick why I seemingly had a dream career but life in general felt so underwhelming. I figured out that my brain likes writing but my soul needs something else, so at the start of this year - in addition to still writing my novels - I took a job in a high school mixing teaching and pastoral work. In one million ways this makes no sense at all, apart from the fact that working out of the house with teenagers is making me really very happy. I’m almost 40, a solo parent by choice, and knowing all this means you’re all caught up. WELCOME.

Looking Backwards, Looking Forwards is my free-to-read monthly round-up. So here we go: this was my March, and what I’m looking forward to in April…!

view from parliament hill, an outfit i felt cool in, sausage and kale omelette, this corner of my kitchen looked nice, green coat has been putting in a shift!, daffodils, been loosely wearing a silk scarf lately, went cycling, new fleece off Vinted

Looking Backwards…

Well! It was exciting to announce some in-person events for 2025 last week, so let’s start there. In case you missed it, I’m doing three events for LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, which is, of course, available to preorder now. Do come see me if you can, it really will be lovely. I’ll be in Nottingham, Leeds, and Manchester. Yay!

It’s funny to be putting on my author hat more loudly (can you put a hat on with more volume??) now we get closer to publication date, because at school I do not tell anybody about this other side of my career. I go to school to escape thinking about books and publishing. It is important to me that I’m just able to get on with the business of my new job without the distraction of miss’s “other” life. It’s private, you know? A very… public-facing private thing, granted, but a private thing unrelated to being in school nonetheless.

That said, I do have a funny feeling a couple of year 9’s have Googled me and figured it out, because in a French class I was covering the one of boys said ‘Miss, you look like an author’, and then one of the girls hit his arm and told him to shut up. I froze in the moment, and to my horror I think I blushed?? I wasn’t prepared for it. But I did not ask him to repeat what he’d said because that would have been confirmation, and there is absolutely a possibility I misheard except I know I didn’t.

I’ll often tell students I have a Creative Writing degree (and occasionally mention that my dissertation was so good they kept it in the university library as an example of what to strive for ✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼) and I’ve been in the school library a lot this half term, using the beepy machine to issue books and trying to make recommendations, because the librarian left and they’re not hiring a new one until September. I think my passion for books is evident. Folks have actually asked if I will apply for that role, to be permanent librarian, but I don’t want to be the school librarian!!

One, that’s a level of responsibility I do not care for and two, I feel proud to acknowledge that what I love about school is floating, being in one class and then another, seeing as many students as possible in a day, looking after a form, too, and essentially not being stuck in one room which is what I have been so depressed about working from home. How nice to know myself enough to see a good-enough opportunity and say, eh! Could be cool but also… no thanks! As a recovering Good Girl I’m proud. I don’t want the “better” job! Right here is just fine.

enjoyed switching to my spring jacket, “kindnass pot”, ted!, went to a castle, felt cute, need some trousers like this, pancake day with nutella and lemon/sugar, nice reminder, mother+son

I’m keen to report back that despite the cake mishaps of February, in March I clawed back some baking dignity with a very successful ginger cake, and a lemon polenta number for my dad’s birthday. Both are Nigella’s, because I find Nigella gives me the most confidence in what I’m doing and thus things generally turn out very well. The ginger cake has the word ‘vegan’ in the title, and because I am a philistine who thinks anything ‘vegan’ or ‘gluten free’ or has any other dietary restriction will taste immeasurably worse than it’s unrestricted counterpart, I had to be persuaded to try this a few years ago. It’s a blessing I put my prejudice aside. Honestly, just try it. I once gave my Uncle Rob some and he just kept saying, ‘Noooo! No! How has she done this?! Noooo,’ because he couldn’t believe it was that moist and flavourful and gorgeous.

By the time you read this UK Mother’s Day will have passed, and I will have made Nigella’s Olive Oil Chocolate Cake to host my parents and brother with. I’ve chosen it because aesthetically it looks like the IKEA chocolate cake, which my kid thinks it’s the best chocolate cake that’s ever been invented or made or tasted. Let’s see if Nigella can steal that crown. Again, because I’m an idiot, in the past I wouldn’t have given a cake made with olive oil much cotter, but Nigella, man. I’d follow her off a cliff.

Also on the menu is Gin and Tonics for arrival, and Emily English’s Marry Me Chicken Orzo, which I’ll serve with crushed new potatoes tossed in butter and some herbs. I do the chicken in the air fryer to keep it juicy. My dad will probably hate it anyway because he hates everything anybody else cooks, but that’s none of my business. I didn’t host my parents for a long time because dad is so hard to please, and I’m putting that down now. If he wants to be the kind of lunch guest who has bad manners and moans, that’s up to him. I’ve already made a decision that it will be lovely, because that’s all I can control: my own attitude. Of course, I’m hyper-sensitive so even if he says it’s all fantastic I’ll be looking for all the unsaid clues that it isn’t… eldest daughters, I know you feel me.

nigella’s lemon polenta cake for dad’s birthday, is that the sun, yay nice feedback!, cat-sitting for next door, good book, very into oversized oxford shirts, pie and chips heaven, non-uniform day, uncle calum sent a postcard from the north pole!

I’ve had a really poor reading month in March, which is bothering me. I powered through a book I wasn’t enjoying, and then did not finish two others, which is very unlike me.

Somehow I ended up downloading several ‘person has a slow mental breakdown over 400 pages’ books and that is just not interesting to me, I have decided. They’re all a bit literary, too, and I’m sorry but just because a newspaper said it’s accomplished it doesn’t always mean you want to turn the pages. I’m don’t care about what I ‘should’ read, I just want to have a good time!

Last night I started a Reese’s Book Club pick, and already the vibe is different. I was invested from the off, it’s moving quickly, somebody is already dead and somebody else has already made a terrible decision that will probably impact the rest of their lives and there’s a big question mark over how the two things are connected. Hook that up to my veins!! If I’m ever unsure about what to read next I’ll often look at the previous Read with Jenna picks, actually, even more so than Reese, because Jenna seldom steers me wrong. I feel like she gets it, you know? She’s a mom who wants escapism and to maybe learn something too. I must go take a peek at what she’s recommending lately.

Lol, I’ve just read back over what I’ve written here and I’m spotting a bit of a ‘'I’m going to do things MY way!” theme: I’m not interested in bad (for me) books, bad manners, bad choices in so much as any choice out of alignment with my soul is bad… I think I might have turned a corner! If I’ve been on a slow and difficult journey to find my old self again, to shed all this hurt and anger and weight I’ve been carrying for so long, I reckon I’m beginning to see the re-emergence, or new emergence, of a Laura ready for what comes next. I truly do feel less tolerance for tomfoolery or a poor attitude.

Unfortunately, I’ve got no words of advice on how to realign yourself when you feel out of whack. Honestly, I can’t tell you how miserable I’ve been definitely since probably the pandemic but maybe even before that?? Bone-tired, soul-crushed malaise. Like my soul was actually sick. As if my soul was quietly weeping, sad and confused, even when my brain and body were happy. I felt essentially backed into a corner last year, and changes I’ve made didn’t come from hope, they came from absolute desperation and confusion. See what I mean about not being able to advise anyone of anything? My advice would have to be, ‘Once things get bad, wait a few more years until they’re even worse and then do something, anything, and hope for the best’. TERRIBLE ADVICE. Anyway, all I can say is, now I am vibing with this thing called life, it is infinitely better than… not vibing with this thing called life. And now I am here, vibing all over the place, I’m not here to mess around. I do not want your bullshit, or your bullshit, or your bullshit. My friend Dan and I have said for years, ‘I just want a lovely time!’ Well, I finally freakin’ am. And all I can say, if your soul is sad, is that one day it won’t be. I don’t know the road from a to b for you, but I do know the road exists and eventually you will find it. I did. That’s all I’ve got.

The road exists.

The road exists.

The road exists.

This month on How to Build a Life, I have: re-visited what I think I know // looked at how my kid high-key hates my new job (though things have got better now!) // unpicked all the ways working full-time at school has brought my back to life // stopped looking at the clock in London // plugged my leaky time and energy bucket // taken a breath // and become a stricter parent

Moving forward with How to Build a Life, I’d love to know a little bit more about why you’re here. I was going to do a survey but maybe you can just hit reply, if you have the Substack app put it in the comments. Basically, what do you like to read about and what would you like more of?

(I feel like you enjoy the mix of parenting, new job insights, and the shedding of old ideas about the self and stepping into new ones that fit better?? Is that right? Or am I projecting?!)

Looking Forwards

Well, this is the last week of the half term before school is out for a two-week break (two weeks and a day actually! What with Easter Monday falling right at the tail-end of the holiday) - and I need it. This past week alone I’ve had to leave work early to collect my kid from the school office, because I messed up after-school clubs and they had nowhere else to put him (the shame!), and then THE VERY NEXT DAY showed up at school to collect my kid from club only for him to FaceTime me from mum and dad’s house. ‘Mummy,’ he said. ‘We can see on Find my Friends you’re at school! But I’m here!’ Womp. Mummy’s superhero powers are waning!! She needs a recharge. Right now I can’t even read my own diary properly, it would seem.

I adore Easter. I think a lot of us do. It’s Christmas’s warmer, more relaxed cousin, all open back doors and low-key doing nothing. I’m partial to a hot cross bun, and to mountains of chocolate.

We’ve talked to the Easter Bunny about maybe a little less chocolate and maybe a few other treats instead this year, but then the Easter Bunny decided, in a fit of productivity, to not only grab a Smarties Dino Egg at Morrison’s, but also little eggs for the hunt, some lego, some stickers, and a book about Taylor Swift, and so the Easter Bunny ended up spending in the region of fifty British pounds??? Like fuck me, kid, maybe she should have just stuck with buying £10 worth of eggs and called feeling sick afterwards a life lesson??

Fifty!

Pounds!

Easter might be Christmas’s more relaxed cousin indeed, but she’s still got her hand out, doesn’t she, she still costs a pretty penny. Good job we’re English Heritage members now (not to brag💅) so we can spend Easter visiting lots of different castles for free, and also good job my kid was just a cat-sitter for next door and will get paid this weekend. I happen to know he has £30 in his bank account and last time our neighbours gave him £20 for feeding the cats, so if he starts the holidays with £50 you can bet your ass it’s his own money he’s spending at the toy shop. £50 as a kid! He is literally rich. He’s a kid millionaire!! Would that we could all have such riches!! I wish I had fifty quid spare to do with as I wish!! I’d buy some straight-legged white trousers off Vinted, and then wear them to Easter brunch.

Thank you for being here. Have a wonderful last day of March, and a super start to April. And don’t forget to leave a comment or email back about what you like seeing here. I wanna give you even more of what you love.

Love ya long time bb, and I mean that,

Laura x